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Just to recap; I know nothing about the noble sport and have to teach my two eight year olds, Alys and Sam, how to fish. I'd asked for, and received, an avalanche of advice, courtesy of a fishing forum on the internet. Now read on... All the advice I'd received had been printed out and was in a neat bundle on the kitchen table. Flicking through it for the umpteenth time, I had to admit that, sadly, most of it was of no use at all, simply because 95% of it was conflicting advice - for example, for every person who advised absolute beginners to fish a lake, someone else advised, "Whatever you do, you must avoid lakes at all costs until you reach the stage when you know what you're doing." Will that time ever come, I asked myself? At times of self doubt like these, I find a nice single malt helps enormously... and you won't find that little gem in any of the fishing textbooks. Eventually, I decided to be positive. Blow this theory and the written word, I thought, what we have to do is to get to some water and actually DO SOME FISHING. We would go this coming Saturday, I decided. Then I promptly fell asleep - this is another thing a nice single malt is good for. First stop, the local tackle shop, and I have to say the two young lads behind the counter could not have been more helpful. They even gave me a printed sheet carrying details of local places to fish, and they highlighted the best stretch of water a total idiot like me should head for. I asked for a half pint of mixed maggots, as someone had advised me, and one of the lads disappeared around the back to get the wriggly things. While he was gone I wondered why they were called ‘mixed' maggots - boy and girl maggots? Rangers and Celtic fan maggots? The truth was a bit of an anti-climax; they were just different colours, some a dirty white and some a dirty pink. So, having done the shopping, I had to think about whether I needed a rod licence. I don't have a rod, and Alys and Sam will be armed with a junior fishing kit each from Argos at the grand cost of £12.95. Anyone less than 12 years old doesn't need a rod licence, so at first I thought I wouldn't have to bother. However, one of the pages of advice sitting on that kitchen table pointed out that, as Alys and Sam didn't know what they were doing (as if I did!) then it could be argued that I would be the one doing the fishing - therefore, if I didn't have a rod licence, the Environment Agency Secret Police could rush out from behind a nearby bush and clap me in irons before taking me to a secret location for interrogation and torture. To be serious for a second, I read that last year over one million rod licences of all types were sold, and the money raised from these sales was about £15 million. Of that £15 million, only £1.3 million had to be hived off to cover collection and administration costs. The rest of this money is used for the good of fish stocks, fishing and fisheries. So it seems to me that even if I bought a rod licence when I didn't really need to, the money would be going to a good cause anyway.  | There's an excellent Environment Agency web site which will tell you all you need to know about rod licences. Just go to Google and enter Rod licences UK and away you go. Some more good news is, you can buy your rod licence online - from the Environment Agency web site - rather than take precious time out from your fishing day by queueing at a Post Office. |
No more waiting in line when you can buy your rod licence online so read the following:- "In addition to the fishing ticket, anyone aged 12 years and over who fishes for Salmon, trout, freshwater fish or eels in England or Wales must have an Environment Agency Rod Fishing Licence. Children under 12 years of age do not require a licence. A full fishing licence costs £22.00 per year, valid from 1 st April to 31 st March, and available from every Post Office in England and Wales as well as some fishing lodges and tackle shops. Please click here to buy on-line at the environment agency's site. Concessionary licences are available for Juniors ( 12-16 inclusive £5.00), Seniors ( 65+) and disabled, £11.00. You can also purchase 1 day ( consecutive 24hrs £7.00 ) and 8 day ( consecutive 192hrs £2.75 ) licences.* " So, having done the shopping and got the paperwork sorted, it was time to think about the location. The advice on the kitchen table told me to fish a lake first, and a river first, and a canal first. In the end, and always looking on the bright side of things, I decided there was marginally less chance of anyone drowning if we fished the canal, seeing as it wasn't as deep as the river or a lake. More advice I'd had; when choosing a location, make sure the angler can't readily be seen by the fish, and choose an area which is free of snags. To be absolutely honest, I was paying more attention to the fact that the location was free of dog poo. As any father of young children will know, their shoes are attracted to the stuff as if by magic, there's a lot of it on the canal side, and guess who gets the job of scrubbing it off? 
Take it with you when you go home, Fido... Eventually I'd found a place on the canal which was relatively free of Fido's cigars and even the water didn't seem to contain too many supermarket trolleys, old pushchairs and bike frames. At last, we were ready to go fishing. But I've run out of space in this column, which just goes to show how much shopping, paperwork and preparation can go into one solitary fishing trip, especially when you haven't a clue what you are doing. But next month, hand on heart, I will tell what happened when we finally got to some water... Don't miss Episode Three, in which the kids and I will definitely (hopefully) get our bait wet... (Colin Robinson is a freelance writer and can be contacted at colrobinson@hotmail.com )
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